The rehearsal dinner, explained

A rehearsal dinner is the meal the night before the wedding. The wedding party and close family eat together after the run-through. It's small, it's relaxed, and it's often the first time both families share a table.

Here's how it works: who's invited, who pays, what happens and when. Short on time? Jump to who pays or what it costs.

What is a rehearsal dinner?

It's a dinner that follows the wedding rehearsal. The rehearsal is a quick walk-through of the ceremony, so everyone knows where to stand. The dinner is the thank-you.

It has three jobs:

• Thank the people who are helping. The wedding party, the readers, the officiant.
• Bring both sides together. Families meet before the big day, not during it.
• Take the pressure off. The night before feels calmer when there's a plan and a meal.

It isn't a second wedding. It's a dinner with toasts.

Who is invited to a rehearsal dinner?

Start with the people in the rehearsal. Add family.

• The couple and the wedding party, and their partners.
• Both sets of parents, and often siblings and grandparents.
• The officiant, and anyone doing a reading.
• Children in the ceremony, with a parent.
• Out-of-town guests. This one is optional. Some couples invite everyone who traveled. Others keep it close.

A common rule: invite everyone who has a job in the ceremony, plus immediate family. Then stretch the list only as far as the budget and the space allow.

Around 15 to 20 guests is a normal size, though plenty run larger. If you want every guest there, that's a welcome party. More on that below.

Who pays for the rehearsal dinner?

Traditionally, one family hosts the dinner and the other hosts the wedding.

These days, anyone can pay. It depends on who's offering and who can. The usual setups:

• One family hosts. Often the family who didn't host the engagement party.
• Both families split it. Each takes a share.
• The couple pays. Some want to thank their own people.
• It's a mix. A parent covers dinner and the couple covers drinks.

Settle this early. Ask, "Who'd like to host?" once, kindly. Then write the number down before you book anything.

When is the rehearsal dinner held?

The night before the wedding. For a Saturday wedding, that's Friday evening.

The order is simple:

1. The rehearsal, at the ceremony site.
2. Dinner, the same evening.
3. Everyone home at a sensible hour.

Keep it to an evening. Nobody wants to be tired in the morning, least of all the couple.

Book the night before when you book the wedding date. Friday evenings in peak season go first, and this is the dinner most couples plan last.

What happens at a rehearsal dinner?

Dinner, toasts and time to talk. That's all it needs.

Here's a simple run of the night:

1. Arrive and mingle. Drinks and a chance to meet.
2. Sit for dinner. Served or buffet. Either works.
3. Toasts. Short ones, between courses or after the main.
4. Small gifts. Some couples thank the wedding party here.
5. Early night. Everyone goes home knowing where to be tomorrow.

Who speaks first?

The host. Whoever is paying usually stands first, welcomes everyone and offers the first toast.

Then the couple thanks their guests. After that, it's open to parents, the wedding party and family. Two tips:

• Tell people ahead of time. Nobody likes being surprised with a microphone.
• Keep each toast short. Two minutes is plenty. Save the long stories for the reception.

Rehearsal dinner or welcome party?

They're different events. Many couples have one. Some have both.

• A rehearsal dinner is small and invite-only. It's the wedding party and close family, the night before.
• A welcome party is bigger. It's for all the guests, usually the night before or the day they arrive. It's more casual, and often hosted by the couple.

Having guests travel in? A welcome party is a way to greet them. Keeping it local? A rehearsal dinner may be all you need.

The park hosts both. A welcome party books like any private event: an evening window, and 30 guests is the usual minimum. A rehearsal dinner is the one event we take below that, at around 15 to 20 guests. Not sure which you need? Ask. We'll tell you what fits your list.

What does a rehearsal dinner cost?

It depends on five things. Know them and you can set a budget before you call anyone.

• Headcount. The biggest one. Count everyone, including kids and plus-ones, before you compare venues.
• The menu. A served dinner usually costs more than a buffet, and a formal menu more than a casual one.
• Drinks. Ask whether the venue pours beer and wine, or whether you bring your own.
• The venue. Some charge a rental fee on top of the food. Some don't. Ask.
• The extras. Rentals, flowers, music and a photographer add up quickly. Decide what you need before you add it.

How to keep the number honest:

1. Settle who's paying first. Then set one total.
2. Get the per-person price in writing, and ask what's on top of it.
3. Ask what's left out. Setup, cleanup, tables, linens, staff.
4. Ask about tax and service charges. They change the final bill.

Here, a rehearsal dinner is priced per person, plus sales tax (7.75%). There's no service charge and no separate venue rental fee. The rate depends on the evening and the menu. Tell us roughly when and roughly how many, and we'll send back a menu and an exact number. Ask about a date.

Your rehearsal dinner at Willow Woods Park

Most of this is arranged before you ask.

• Its own setup. The Friday dinner is laid out for your evening, in the same forest space a wedding reception uses. It isn't a wedding half-dressed for tomorrow.
• Dinner from the property. LouEddie's, the family's restaurant, is fifty steps away. No caterer to book. No vendor list to work through.
• You don't need to be marrying here. Many of the dinners here belong to couples marrying elsewhere on the mountain or down by the lake. It's a normal booking, not a favor.
• Beer and wine. No spirits. It keeps us a good neighbor in a forest neighborhood.
• Music stops at 9 pm. It's our rule, and on purpose. Everyone gets home safe. Guests staying nearby are in bed in minutes. See where wedding guests stay.

Summer Fridays go first, so bring a range of dates if you have one.

Plan the night

Have your wedding date and a rough head count? That's enough to start.

Tell us which evening. We'll reply with what's open, a menu and an exact number. Or see the rehearsal dinner page first.

Still planning the rest of the year? Read how to plan a small wedding.